


and all i wanted was you

by clicheusername5678



Series: Catradora Oneshots [17]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attack, Positive Coping Mechanisms, Post-Canon, adora's self-sacrificial tendencies bother catra more than she lets on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24471793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clicheusername5678/pseuds/clicheusername5678
Summary: some catradora pillow talk about adora's self-sacrificial tendenciesthis fic was requested on twitter in support of the los angeles bail project
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Catradora Oneshots [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1264781
Comments: 8
Kudos: 336





	and all i wanted was you

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was requested by @tanjiiros on twitter in support of the los angeles bail project. if you're interested in requesting a fic and donating , please see:  
> https://twitter.com/forestfigment/status/1267078818147323904?s=20  
> if you're not on twitter but you'd like to donate, please comment on this fic and i will reach out. thanks, stay safe, and stay well!

Catra awoke in a cold sweat, clutching the covers so tightly that her claws pierced right through. Beside her Adora slept peacefully, hair fanned out in a nest of sorts for Melog in their smallest form. 

Noticing Catra’s panic, Melog immediately made their way to her lap. She steadied her breathing and stroked the alien creature, searching for every color of item in the room. A red dress, hanging in Adora’s closet. A blue hairbrush on the white vanity. A green ficus. Did they water the ficus yesterday? 

This was one of many exercises Catra’s therapist had introduced for moments when she was triggered beyond reason. It centered her, brought her back to Etheria, gave her concrete details instead of the amorphous, all-consuming panic that always threatened to resurface.

Adora always wanted to know about Catra’s exercises. She committed them to memory, guiding her through times of stress with calm, simple commands: Name five foods, four sea shanties, three princesses, two animals, and one favorite book. She’d hold Catra’s shaking hands, holding eye contact, as her girlfriend slowly recovered.

Adora stirred awake, a light sleeper even in the safest of places. “Hey,” she said sleepily, inching closer to the upright brunette. “It’s not morning.” 

Care gave her a small smile, lying back down and pulling at her waist. They rested on their sides, nose-to-noses, leaving a very indignant Melog to curl themself in the crook of Catra’s bent legs. 

“Sorry I woke you,” Catra said. “I had another nightmare.” 

Adora kissed Catra’s forehead, wishing to magically ease the brain inside. “How can I help?”

Catra blushed, embarrassed that she could be this needy. “Please just go back to sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow… and every day after that. You need rest.” 

Adora narrowed her eyes. “You know I can’t do that, not while you’re still wide awake.” 

“Yeah, you can,” Catra grumbled. “You just won’t.”

Adora pulled Catra closer. “True. So… wanna talk about it?”

Catra held her breath. Before the war, her answer would have been ‘no,’ but now she knew how vulnerability worked—the help was out there, as long as she let it in. 

“It was about you,” Catra recalled slowly, tucking her head beneath Adora’s chin. “Does that change anything?” 

“Of course not,” Adora said, gently stroking Catra’s hair. “We’ve been through a lot together. It makes sense that you see me in your nightmares.” 

Catra avoided eye contact, guilt coloring her voice. “Well, that’s the thing. This nightmare wasn’t about us. It was about  _ you _ . I just… watched, could  _ only _ watch, as you sacrificed yourself for the greater good, over and over again. When we were kids in the Horde, and you made us leave you behind in battle simulations to get the best group score. When you tried to surrender yourself to Shadow Weaver so she’d give Sparkles back to Bright Moon. When you jumped off that ledge right behind me on Prime’s ship. And… the Heart.” 

Catra looked down at Adora’s chest, which she knew still bore a faint scar of the failsafe. Adora followed her gaze and frowned. 

“I just had to watch,” Catra choked, tears filling her eyes. “Watch you throw your life away, again and again, for everyone’s sake but your own.” 

Adora took a breath and cupped her girlfriend’s face. “You were there, Catra. You  _ were _ . You saved me and the world.”

“But I didn’t  _ know _ ,” Catra cried, “I didn’t know that what I said would help you transform into She-Ra. You could have died in my arms, Adora. You were prepared to do it, and I stayed knowing I couldn’t stop you. I just… didn’t want you to be alone.” 

Catra released a sob, slamming a hand over her own mouth. “In the nightmare, you were alone.” 

Adora sighed and gently took Catra’s hand away from her face. She’d noticed, over the past few months, that Catra’s instinct was to suppress her tears. “Hey,” she said, “look at me.” 

Blue eyes met turquoise and gold, tears freely flowing beneath them. 

“I wasn’t alone,” Adora said, “because of you.”

“I don’t want to talk about me,” Catra insisted. “I just have to ask… why do you  _ do _ that? Give yourself away to serve someone or something else? I was terrified, at the Heart, seeing you so resigned. You said you were sorry. You… wanted to stay with me, Adora. You  _ wanted _ to stay.”

“There wouldn’t have been a world to stay in,” Adora said, “if I hadn’t activated the failsafe.” 

“I know, it’s just—” 

“Listen, okay? I never told you what I saw, when Prime’s virus knocked me out. It was us, like, years from now, happy and in love, joking around with Glimmer and Bow. I realized that all I wanted, all I’ve ever wanted, is a life by your side. It always seemed like someone or something had gotten in the way of that—Shadow Weaver, the First Ones, Horde Prime. You and me, even. 

But then there you were, saying you loved me, and it was like I suddenly could have my impossible dream. _That’s_ what activated She-Ra, Catra. That’s what saved my life. Not coincidence, not luck, not even our kiss. I wasn’t doing it for Etheria or the Rebellion anymore, not entirely. I lived because I let myself _want_ _a life_.” 

Catra blinked slowly, slightly taken aback by Adora’s admission. “You never told me that.” 

Adora smirked. “Didn’t want to boost your ego too much, saying you’re my dream girl.” 

“Shut up,  _ nightmare _ girl!” Catra laughed, shoving Adora and startling Melog at her feet. The disgruntled creature crossed to snuggle in Adora’s arms, taking up Catra’s former spot. 

After a moment of satisfied silence, Adora reached for her girlfriend’s hand under the covers. “Hey, Catra?”

“Yeah?” she yawned, nuzzling alongside Adora and Melog. 

“I’m really glad I stayed.” 

Catra purred against the failsafe, warmly pressed against Adora’s chest. “Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Me too.” 


End file.
